Wednesday, May 12, 2004

i wish i could still write.

i blame UPLB for not giving me any english related subjects in my one year stint there. no eng1, no eng2...nothing to practice my 'writing skills'. stagnation kills the talent.

i've totally lost faith in my writing skills come 11am this morning. i feel so bad on how my exam in comparative lit turned out to be.

i picked structuralism as my chosen approach (mainly because its the only one i could remember), threw in a horde of Karl Marx's theories on alientation, class struggle and conflict. stirred a little george orwell's animal farm and spiced it up with a load of bullsh*t cliche's on "nothing is what they seem" and "reading between the lines". the essay was shallow and pointless. no major ideas could be held from that testimony. i feel utterly useless for not coming up with a more substantial essay to secure me spot in UPD.

i couldn't even spell burgeosie and proletariat.

yet i used those words to emphasize my knowledge on communism and the quest for social equality. i know i misspelled them, which totally cancels out the 'pseudo-philosopher' air that i was trying to portray.

i am so pissed! i swear, i used to write better! i really did, why didn't i read up on my SOC10? i'm a sociology major and i couldn't even go beyond ethnocentric, racism and class struggle. i should have been able to defend that theory until my hand started bleeding! not only am i supposed to be a good writer, but i'm a sociology major! i took SOC10, SocSci2 and SocSci1...I actually listetened, took down notes, and internalized their lessons! i loved those subjects! i loved SocSci2 and wrote numerous essays defending my favourite philosopher/sociologist and his theories. i loved Karl Marx. I wrote about Karl Marx! i read through his works and all i could come up with in my CL admissions essay was a few measley words that anyone can learn from over-hearing an anakbayan rally.

i am so dissappointed with myself. i thought my broad knowledge and my 'blunt-sarcasm' writing style could make up my awful grammar and horrendus spelling. but no, i screwed it up. i screwed it all up. i can't write, i can't remember my past lessons and i have awful grammar.

i might as well take the entrance exam in ABE and sing along with Heart Evangelista on the next advertisment.

[[sanya whored herself to the world at 8:47 PM]]