Tuesday, July 13, 2004

can i just die right now?

i think i have finally lost everything that i have lived for.

i have no will to do anything anymore, i feel disgusting.

i've become the person that i absolutely hate.

blah. what i know, i know.

i have low self esteem because i am not perfect.

and i have to be constantly reminded about it.

i have come to realize that people do not like me because i'm different, because i'm an individual, because i'm a little on the weird too-opinionated side.

they hate me, they are embarassed by the things that some out from my mouth, i am a shame to myself.

they do not take the time to listen to me, they cut me off short "can you please stop ranting?". or "you are embarassing sanya". people make me feel as if i'm the most insiginicant person in the whole world and forget that i have feelings too.

they might as well just tell me i'm worthless.

and that hurts, because that's who i am, that's my personality, and no matter how i try to change it, i still get the same "shut up, please" remark.

so, that's it. i really will shut up from now on. i'll just talk when i'm asked and filter everything that is in my brain. anything crude and stupid will have to go here, in my blog.

i need this place to get it all out or else i'll go crazy in my head.

this is my karma, i suppose.

but fuck, when you share something, when a friendship is holding you together, love, kamaraderie...anything that binds, you have to respect that person for all they are. their faults, imperfections and all. that's friendship, that's love.

when it comes to dealing with me, i have a problemm and that is myself. i talk to much and i'm just god farking ugly that i don't deserve anyones time of day.

nobody in this whole wide world ever liked me for everything that i am.

nobody in this whole world really, trully, does love me.

so what's the point of ever existing?

[[sanya whored herself to the world at 9:49 PM]]