some-kind of bliss

2004-07-25T01:31:00.000+08:00

putangina wala na si WILLIAM THIO.

si jackie nalang sana diba?? ano ba ang problema ng sambayanang pilipino at hindi niyo binoto si william??

heh. don't talk to me.

2004-07-22T19:37:00.000+08:00

blogger is fucking up, at least my blog is.

i want a dog.
i want a miilion dollars.
i want to go to another country for a month right now.

i want to have my life back.

but i can't.

because i am being punished. because i am punihsing myself.

and after this, i die.

yes.

2004-07-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

masaya na ko at nakapost na ako with my small fonts.

at waging wagi kasi napapirma ko na sa teacher ko sa kas1 yung dropping form.

ayan na nga yung upd attitude na pinagplanuhan namin sa lb.

"pag nasa diliman na tayo, pwede na tayong mag drop!" yeyeyeyey!!

kasama ko si helga, yam and chum kanina sa starbucks. wala lang. hindi na ako fan. hindi na ako fan. ayoko ng maging fan at wala na kong oras, pera at pasensya sa mga ganyang bagay. i love the music, pero yun lang. yung lang talaga.

ang galing kong magtagalog no??

ang panget ng ending ng the da vinci code. pero ang ganda nung book. of course, na-disturb nanaman ako. ewan ko kung totoo yung mga ganun (well, fiction nga so...) pero nakakadisorient talaga, and in some sense, slightly comforting narin.

ang panget ko talagang magtagalog. nakakainis. nakakainis talaga.

2004-07-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

where are all the little boys when you need them??

(in starbucks. smoking in their uniforms with their lopsided hats. looking like hip-hoppers while drinking their gay cafe lattes)

why do PDA couples love to follow me around? are they trying to tell me something?

2004-07-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

i want my small fonts back!!

2004-07-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

self esteem at an all-time low today.

i feel so ugly, fat, stupid and worthless.

and it doesn't matter because i take it out on myself everyday.

even in the good days.

i am going to die.

i swear.

2004-07-20T14:33:00.000+08:00

i have never felt so sleepy and helpless in my whole pathetic excuse of a life.

i slept really late last night, care of the da vinci code. and i had a 7am chem class to wake up for, so i only had 2 hours of sleep today.

so come chem class, my eyes were watering. i was so sleepy and i was just crying because i couldn't do anything about it. i sat in the front row and the teacher is my tita, if i fell asleep, i'd have to face my mother and lose all my gimmick rights. no, no and no. so with my 10000000lbs eyelids, i had to literally pull a mr. bean owl face just to wake myself up.

come film100, i couldn't take it anymore, the class is 3 hours long and the aircondition was on at high, so i was freezing and i was sleepy. when the teacher went to the back of the room and read out his lecture from the hi-tech projector, i slept. i slept through his whole lecture on film form.

only to find out we had an essay quiz on it at the end of the class.

to make up for my lousy day, janzen and i went to jollibee and ordered chicken joy for lunch. we just had to eat it in the lagoon. one of the shallow goals in my UP Diliman manifesto is to drag someone on a "date" in the lagoon.

blogger is so fucking up right now. i cannot get the bold command and i just had to be a genius that i am that i pressed to see if it goes for the italics as well.

fuck.

2004-07-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

i am going to finish the da vinci code in one day. i started reading it just today, went to the main lib, and stayed there for 3 hours just reading it. it's really good, so far.

i'm also finishing up on blonde, which is another book.

and i'm starting to read a tale of two cities, which i have no idea why, and the book janzen lent me, that i'm about to start when i'm finished with the da vinci code.

i am such a nerd.

i haven't been writing for a while now, no essays, no short stories, no poems...it's quite sad. and i am pretty sure i am going to lose my college scholar standing this sem.

the UPD lifestyle is something that puts a major dent in my pocket.

gourmet cafe's, fast food chains, semi-fine dining shacks and the daily fishball habit. being in UP is not just about being smart, it's a whole foodtrip.

so now, i am sticking to one drink from starbucks or sbc in one day, i am also going to cut on my chocolate cake intake.

which is good because i have become fat and ugly. i am so fat, it's not even funny. no matter how many hours i spend walking around the campus, still isn't enough to get rid of the chocolate cake and the occasional caramel frap.

i am so fat. i am so fat.

and i feel so ugly.

and i drove to rockwell on sunday.

i want fcuk tshirts. speacially the one with "big tits". actually, i want them all. somebody, please get my one, i am broke, fat and ugly.

pity me.

2004-07-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

pang-bawi sa previous post ko na super teenybopper.

since i am on a roll here on ranting senslessly, might as well get it all out.

all those people who shorten their words when they type online. those who spell "ako" with "aq", or "ko" with "q" or substitute "me" for "ako", or "us" for "kami", or "senxa" for "pasensya", or "xe" for "kasi" and a whole lot more distortions in the english/filipino language that you commit in texting that you have to bring to your typing online, i hate you.

and those annoying "taena", "powtah", "powtaena" substitutions for "putangina", tangina lang talaga. it doesn't make you look prude at all.

all those people who TYPE ONLINE lyk ds bcz i duno y xe cguro nsanay cla mgtx ng gn2. xenxa n pro nkkkasar. hndi na kaU nkk2wa. ndi me nassiyahan sa gnagawa nio, nde aq lumiligaya pg nkkkbasa me ng mga gn2 mg chat or mgpost. sowee nlang senio. mewon tlga aqng glit sa iño. pro ahalbsoo, ahmishoo, aztgkayosuper!

you are worse than a conyo speaking taglish in starbucks. you ruin the language and i hate you. i hate you. i hate you all. i hate you all. ANG CHEAP NINYO.

sa text, ok pa kasi i understand a letter makes the difference when it comes to a message's cost. pero online... please lang. Don't make it harder for us to read and understand. Hindi yan cute. Hindi rin mabuti sa pagsusulat niyo yan. It'll get to you when you start writing properly. it is a fad. A FAD. and it makes you LOOK CHEAP.

sorry sa mga natatamaan, but i just had to get that one out. it's my blog, i am a raving lunatic and wasn't able to watch WILLIAM THIO for 2 days already.

spare me and my future generation, we want to learn and read properly. we want to enjoy the beauty of the language, and not a cheap shortened version of it.

in this world of just-add-water, it sure makes the real thing more special.

getz nio aq?

(maghanda kayo mga "all-in-black-oh-i'm-so-non-conforminst" punkistas, your next on my hate list.)

2004-07-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

i just came from the up jma guardian-ward event, and i had a ton of fun.

no kidding, even if i spent most of time being an absolute anti-social freak, i still had fun.

i think its the parlor games and the prizes.

the balloon game was super fun. the whole night was super fun.

even if my ward/cousin insisted that he gets to wear the stripes and i had to go with the polka-dots. which was kind of a bitch since;

a) polka-dots make you look fat-ER.
b) therefore, i have no polka-dotted clothes.

so i had to buy one last minute, and i looked like i was going to a childrens party. at least i got to wear my orange polka-dotted leg-warmer/open-toed socks that i got from japan.

going to Katkat's deybuuu tomorrow, janzens going. super cool.

i can't wait for another app meet, the projects, the meetings, the pressure, the fun... i'll try to be more sociable and enthusiatic the next time around. I'll actually start making tambay and fulfilling my required tambay hours. since i just found out (from my 1 hour worth of tambay earlier) that they have a power outlet where i can plug my laptop in. i can actually get some work done while i'm killing tambay hours time. and that i can finally escape my mothers incessant nagging that i am not very fond of, nor am i sanay.

UP JMA IS SUPER FUN!!

2004-07-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

yeho rocks my socks!

2004-07-16T00:29:00.000+08:00

horny days are made of these.

i wasn't able to watch 30 DAYS today.

i didn't see WILLIAM THIO.

which makes me sad.

:(

2004-07-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

i am so stupid, i don't know how to archive my past posts.

i am so not studying for chem1 tomorrow, i am going to fail chem1 and put shame on the coo family name.

i hate me, i hate me.

but i love you, janzen. oh yes i do.

who i spent the whole afternoon with, incessantly PDA-ing in the halls of institute of chemistry (probably putting shame on the coo family name once again). then went to SM North Edsa to get my friend a gift for her debut. then played with cards.

we are mr. player meets ms. challenger!

now all we need is a pair of conyo shades and a hat to match.

PLUGS:

we have an event on friday, next week. poetry reading, acoustic performances and free coffee. it's for this org that i'm an app in. email me/text me if your interested and i'll give you the complete details ok?

i love UP underground.

and i love UP jma.

i'm such a nice applicant by plugging them both, diba??

points! points!

just want to send a shout out to mah homiez in BASOC1 who are now scattered around the UP system in different courses.

leave a message. yey.

2004-07-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

i am making sex sounds with my arm and having a blast laughing at its authenticity.

WILLIAM THIO is hot.

from now on, william thio is WILLIAM THIO.

WILLIAM THIO!

which reminds me.

hoy helga, i don't want to involve myself with those things any longer, i should just be contented with what i have and not ask for anything more. if i do ask for something, then i shouln't be in that league because i know that it's a Zac Hanson all over again.

oh, VOTE FOR WILLIAM THIO!

will post about the voting tomorrow. 30 DAYS, gma7, 8:00pm after Extra Challenge.

i should get paid for this.

2004-07-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

helga wrote me a haiku last week.

My mother's money
all goes to contraceptives
I am so hardcore

instead of spilling some strangers unfinished iced cafe latte in starbucks or threatening to spit on her pack of cigs, i just leaned back at my chair and laughed. because it's true, and there's no denying it.

i went condom shopping today, 2 packs of spectra (the pretty yellow-to-orange kind) and a pack of studded ones that i will give to my future co-director (you know who you are).

i'm bored, i'm going to give Hanson songs like a actually own them.

CRAZY BEAUTIFUL: see lyrics.
IF ONLY: see lyrics. (tamad tamad)

in short, they're hanson's skanky one night stand kind of songs. ;op~ and one of my libog songs so there, i hope you enjoy them as much as i do.

CORNY ITONG POST NA ITO, WALANG KWENTA, NASISIRA ANG PAGKA WRITER KO.

+++

i've been watching 30 DAYS religiously. i am in love with that show, and i am in love with William Thio. I don't care if he did a gay scene with Raymond Bagatsing in interm@tes. I don't care if his accent and cuteness gets in the way of his acting. he is cute, i like him, and i'm going to vote for him til death do us part.

the actors in 30 days are pretty gutsy to actually admit that they're pretty much washed up in the line of showbusiness, i actually respect them for that. I believe that they're acting aren't really that good, but i think it's just a matter of practising a little bit more. because you see their struggle to actually perform their piece. you see that they do have what it takes to act.

i'm not saying i was impressed by the "Presidential Suite" episode or the one before that. I admit, they were all bad, and the story wasn't really good, the acting was a little bland, the script was just awful and the direction was absolutely stupid. Joel Lamangan is a disappointment. I don't know what he's raving about on the actors being palpak. He fucking directed "Mano Po". how stupid is that? i think that totally robs him of the right to criticize any actor because he agreed in casting Rochard Gomez. Plus the story line was so bad, it was trying to do the rashomon effect, slash amelie glory. the story was...the movie was... nagkalat lang sila. pathetic. pathetic. i hate mano po. and i hate joel lamangan for ever agreeing to take it. i think it ruined his greatness on whatever great works he has done. and i hate the fact that he was being an ass on criticizing the 30 days people.

and i am a raving lunatic. i'm just bitter because he didn't like William.

i think 30 Days is a good way to finally put back good credible actors back on TV. How can the screw up when they already know how it is to shine and then dim and then totally dissappear? they know what can happen if they let fame affect their acting.

besides, richard gutierrrez and his twin brother what's-his-name?, the starstruck kids, the whole cast of kakakabakaba, heart evangelista, anne curtis, oyo boy sotto, john pratts and tanya garcia? can they even act? they couldn't even act natural if they tried! tanya garcia has the nerve to be called an actor. Richard has one look on his face weather he is sad, enry or horny. same goes with the kakabakaba kids, they are just plain annoying. don't even get me started on Heart, she can't even speak properly. they should first LEARN how to act before they pollute our TV screens because it's just annoying!!

AND I AM JUST ANGRY BECAUSE THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT WILLIAM THIO WILL GET BOOTED.

i am angry that the 30 days people are not getting the proper respect that they should get as actors!! when i become a director, i am casting them all! they have what it takes to be really good. i love my 30 DAYS!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I'M BEING IRATIONAL AGAIN.

2004-07-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

i am so stupid.

and needy.

i just had to drink 3 plastic cups worth of buko juice (thank you buko-juice-little-boy for reminding me the sin that is buko juice) to sort my feelings that i have been pondering on for 5 straight days already.

all i've figured is that i know what i'm feeling, i have a clue on what to do, i'm just too scared to actually do anything about it.

why can't people just change? even for just a little bit?

it would sure make life a lot easier.

2004-07-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

can i just die right now?

i think i have finally lost everything that i have lived for.

i have no will to do anything anymore, i feel disgusting.

i've become the person that i absolutely hate.

blah. what i know, i know.

i have low self esteem because i am not perfect.

and i have to be constantly reminded about it.

i have come to realize that people do not like me because i'm different, because i'm an individual, because i'm a little on the weird too-opinionated side.

they hate me, they are embarassed by the things that some out from my mouth, i am a shame to myself.

they do not take the time to listen to me, they cut me off short "can you please stop ranting?". or "you are embarassing sanya". people make me feel as if i'm the most insiginicant person in the whole world and forget that i have feelings too.

they might as well just tell me i'm worthless.

and that hurts, because that's who i am, that's my personality, and no matter how i try to change it, i still get the same "shut up, please" remark.

so, that's it. i really will shut up from now on. i'll just talk when i'm asked and filter everything that is in my brain. anything crude and stupid will have to go here, in my blog.

i need this place to get it all out or else i'll go crazy in my head.

this is my karma, i suppose.

but fuck, when you share something, when a friendship is holding you together, love, kamaraderie...anything that binds, you have to respect that person for all they are. their faults, imperfections and all. that's friendship, that's love.

when it comes to dealing with me, i have a problemm and that is myself. i talk to much and i'm just god farking ugly that i don't deserve anyones time of day.

nobody in this whole wide world ever liked me for everything that i am.

nobody in this whole world really, trully, does love me.

so what's the point of ever existing?

2004-07-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

i am fat and ugly.

i am fat and ugly.

i am fat ang ugly and i deserve to die.

2004-07-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

my sister is being a bitch and totally not respecting my authority.

that's why i'm going to glue my ass on this computer and not let her near it.

we processed ouf films in the darkroom today, i never knew it was going to be that tiring. my right hand could not stop shaking that i had to label my drying film with my left hand.

i couldn't even text.

but it was all worth it, after 30 straight minutes of shaking the canister and praying to god at least one frame turns out okay, i pulled out my film.

36 frames of full photographic glory.

i was the only one who pulled it off, most of theirs had a couple of errors from the winding part, but that's at least 3 to 5 frames.

i honestly thought i just blew P200 on a single black and white film to realize how stupid i am when it comes to film processing.

but i'm not.

i love me.

and i love my P200 kodak t-max black and white negative film.

i should get a discount from plugging kodak.

+++

randomness:

(this story can be, could be, might be fictional. inspired by a text message sent to me during prom night)

later that day, i drove to katipunan with my friend, (i drove, with our driver hanging on the handbreaks for dear life). sat down in a restaurant as i told her all my stupid silly little love shits. i swear, i sounded like a little girl with a crush, it was almost too funny. I kind of missed that feeling.

it's ironic how that love shit comes crawling back at you when you least expect it. like now. i mean, i should be mad, i should be crying my heart out, i should be begging, but i'm not.

because i'm in love,

all over again.

*sigh*

+++

he was smiling.

he rummaged though his pocket and produced a shiny plastic card with his picture on it.

lisence.

he denies on getting a fixer, he is younger than i am. we went to same driving institute together.

he points in the parking lot, to a shiny white car with rain spots in the windshield.

car.

ike, i hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hindi ka na lambot lalake, si jeho nalang ang natitira!!

unless you drive us to eastwood and cough up free shots for everyone.

then i'll love you all over again. ;op~

2004-07-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

nearly-cleavage shot.

someone looks orgasmic. and someone is coloured isaw-orange.

due to public demand, here i am, hanging around with little kids. ;op~

i love my "grade-9-turned-grade-10-turned-1st-year-college" friends.

i love my little kiddies.

i sound like a child molester.

i'm an ugly and fat slut with big boobs.

and i just had to declare that to the whole world.

i am such a loser.

2004-07-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

and spike is going to beat me up with an empty plastic cup of buko juice for being the lazy ass that i am.

i promise, i'll have the pictures up...soon.

i am such a slut. slut. slut. and i don't care. care. care.

and i am going to hell. hell. hell.

2004-07-10T19:57:00.000+08:00

thank gad for helga.

at least i have her to love me.

*sings*

i have her to love me
i need her to need me
i'm begging her to beg me...

oh i bet my cousin enzo would get a kick out of this 'i'm a lesbian' declaration.

i am not a lesbian, but i'm in love with helga.

but not that in love to actually give each other an hour long intimate (think the erap-jinggoy shoulder hugging political advert) hug and french kiss for 30 straight minutes in starbucks at 2 fucking o'clock in the AFTERNOON.

some people have no shame.

2004-07-10T19:33:00.000+08:00

i wish i could just die.

maybe the whole world would realize that i'm actually important.

maybe the whole world will actually miss me.

everyone is just too fucking comfortable.

i will not always smile at them. i will not always be around to provide for every thing they need.
i will not always be around to amuse them with stories about my silly little life.

i will not always be there.

and i just hope they realize that.

for once, why can't ANYONE do things for me????

is BEING NICE just a little to hard for them??

and it sucks that they'll probably only realize how much i'm worth after i die.

that is, if i'm actually worth anything at all.

2004-07-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

my head hurts like fuck and i stink of cigarettes.

my room also reeks of cigarette smoke because of my stupid photo session for film110.

i'm going to drop kas1 and i still don't know what credible excuse to give instead of "because you scare me" to my prof. i think "because my previous class is in masscom, and its film110, which is often spent on location" ("on location", pftttt). I was actually thinking of giving him my "my therapist has no other schedule but yours" excuse, but i think the film110 one is better.

i hate mosquitos, i wish i could say the same for them, though.

went to the JMA general assembly today, wish i had someone to join me in the app process since all my co-apps are total strangers. i know he wants to join, but now that i'm already an app, he doesn't want to anymore.

go figure.

which is something i have been trying to do for 2 years already and all i've figured out is that he has a short temper and loves to sleep.

GO FIGURE.

2004-06-28T14:54:00.000+08:00

went to the fete last week and all i got were neoprints.

i still owe you a beer, helga.

i feel awful today. and i think i know why. i shouldn've breathed in this substance last friday. my head hurts and my throat is all swollen.

all librarians are bitches. bleah. most of the anyway. and those who are, will go to hell. i will personally see to it that they do.

being very lazy and hating my chem1 class at the moment. i have a test tomorrow and i hate it. i need to study for it, but i'm not.

and i'm getting FAT again. and that's what i hate the most. so its back to that stupid excercise machine. hello leg pains.

saw a gay film with janzen just this saturday, it was cute. funny. a little disturbing. but it was ok. who would've thought ian veneracion...?? thay pulled it off quite nicely.

i also saw kulimlim, and the prosthetics were awful. tanya garcia, as usual, cannot act.

the story is crap, the script is crap, the actors were crap, the pecial effects and prosthetics were crap crap crap.

don't bother watching it. you're better off watching smackdown in usa channel. their acting is way better.

gotta stop ranting.

2004-06-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

yes! i am fully reg'd!

wahoo! i'm a UPD student with a 11.30-4 break every TF!

sucks

2004-06-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

i just spent a good hour looking through my laptops files in hope to find the folder where all my digi cam pictures were in.

i found it all stored in a folder named "pampabagal"

lesson learned: never let janzen defragment your computer.

not only did i get a lecture on how bad a lap-top owner i am, i also recieved a good speech on how i should update my virus scanner.

gawd, i felt so guilty i had to hang my head in shame.

hung out with my summer fling helga again, we took on hogwarts and even got sorted. i got into slytherin, and helga gets stuck in hufflepuff. we also got hanson shirts from sony. to maybe make us feel better with the postponed gig thing. but honestly, i really didn't count on them ever coming to this country anyway. i'm not being in denial here, i really did see this one coming.

i really did.

i have to pre-rog on a class on monday.

and to make this all first semester in upd thing worse, i have a 7am class.

if that wasn't bad enough, that 7am class happens to be chem 1.

i'm going to have a hard time calling my teacher "ma'am" instead of "tita".

oh well, i wanted upd,so this is the price i have to pay.

2004-06-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

this is an absolute mistake.

how i got into this mess it entirely my own doing.

and what sucks the most is that i can get out of it, i just chose not to.

because i can't.

and that sucks.

punyeta talaga ang buhay!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

2004-06-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

thank you lord for getting alfa in upd. i would've died if she didn't. fitch, biboy and i weren't even thinking of the option of alfa not making it in upd. the thought of being in lb is bad enough without the fact that 3 of us are in up greenest pastures.

blah. i hate lb. i hate it.

and i love candy.

have to go to upd early and get my physical medical exam over with. plus i need my stupid admission slip that i have to rot in line for. being in up is crap. but i have no right to complain since i chose to put myself in that situation. it just sucks that my mother can't even make a few arrangements to make things a little easier. oh well.

that should mean laying off my back and stop making our maids go through my stuff.

it's not fun. it's not nice. my stuff are my stuff and whatever the maids find in my room isn't their business and have no right in telling my mother about it. i know what i am fucking doing. i am not stupid. this is my life.

i am 18. then i'll be 19, then 20...wake up.

sometimes, i'm going to come home in the middle of the night. and sometimes, i'll stay over my friends house. and i might reek of cigarettes and alcohol.

"si sanya po umuwi nangangamoy sigarilyo"

punyeta.

do they ever think that maybe i was with people who smoked before they told my mother who is a paraniod woman with highblood pressure?!?!?

the best part is the Kink cakes novelty tablets. they actually told my mother that it's my boyfriend's and that he left his gay pills in my closet. what the fuck?? what the hell would janzen do with gay pills?? it's actually insulting.

so my mother got mad and told my why i have pills in my room. mom, it's a novelty gift from my debut. it came with condoms, huge wooden penis ashtrays and sticks of cigarettes. that is what you get when you turn 18. it's a joke. my friends are smart-asses. my friends are actually smart and witty people. they are not boring. i'm sorry that they didn't give me socks, or bible-books. and i did not throw them away because it's their gift and i want to laugh about it later.

i can't wait for them to find the KY jelly i use to make my sculpey dough softer to knead.

2004-05-31T22:31:00.001+08:00

she claims i'm a psycho, but she's really the one.
we whore ourselves to hanson, all in the name of fun.
she's pink, she's crazy, and loves her cat to bits.
she's HELGA, she's 19, and there's no denying this!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY HELGA!!

yes! ma-touch ka na! uuuuy!!

2004-05-30T22:21:00.001+08:00

hung out with helga the whole weekend. which would probably explain why i have been reeking of cigarettes for the past two days. ;op

this whole hanson thing is puting a huge dent in my allowance. there has got to be a better place to hang out, talk in mmmbop and smoke than cafes. this saturday, i decided to wait for helga in jolibee to save a couple of bucks. i got a regular fries and coke. sat in a corner and read through the most sinful magazine known to the freakishly-intelligent kind...candy.

i managed to survive the colourful glossy pictures of absolute nonsense. i even had the time to read through a horrendus article that now has "this is a stupid article" written in black ball-point ink. to save my pride, the reson is that i bought candy for research if ever it does push through. and if it does, then i would be the biggest most fattest hippocrite in the face of the world because of all the words that i am about to eat.

see, i love helga so much to put myself through such torture. and it's okay since i've met someone to bitch about life with. finally. someone who doesn't shut me up or laugh ay my grammatical slip-ups, someone who doesn't say "talk properly sanya, you sound like a private school girl whining" (unless she hears one of mer many songs played in the background that i know nothing of) and of course, no one to make fun of my hanson fandom.

and i swear, helga is like, a magnet for celebrity sightings. yesterday, it was alex derossi and nancy casleiogne (whatever!!) in starbucks, today, it was dominic ochoa and karel marquez. mall tour in robinsons galleria. i was just too busy eating ice cream to enjoy the moment.

we bought two boxes of frenzy condoms party pack from PCX today, i don't even want to think about the freakyness of that situation now that i think about it.

plus the fact that we'll be giving it out during a Hanson listening party.

the taylor "lesbian scare moments" that lei has been telling us about has finally come true.

that was a joke.

i have to go to LB tomorrow and finish up my clearance, i won't elaborate on the patheticness that is nenita tapay because she is an absolute waste of blogspace, air and existence.

ok, i got in all courses but i'm taking film. don't try to talk me out of it.

though i can't exactly show any estaticness because my one of my friend is still in the waitlist. i migh be dense but not to people who actually matter in my life. delayed gratitude, it's so middle class. pft.

i've been going around manila promoting hanson and its genuinely starting to piss me off, okay, they're getting the airplay, but their album sales are still tragic, well, there is only so much street teams can do. it's not like we're actually given the authority (and funding!) to post billboards the size of china in EDSA.

i am tired, i have a bad cough, i lack sleep and my body feels heavier than its usual over-weight self. and i know its from a day-and-night long excapde that gave me a 2 minute guilt trip that left after a hormone-raging fantasy that sporadically played in my mind out of boredom.

summer is over and so is my food-trip, hopefully. all those blingeing has finally caught up with me and i just want to starve myself for a good week to lose it all. but somehow, one whiff of deep fried french fries in oil quickly changes my mind. i am too weak for my own good. i give up easy, and think all you want; the answer is YES.

so i am whining again, i am back to being a whiner. i honestly don't care if people are sick of my whining because i have all my resons too. why don't people type propery? why do people such as rose and tapay have to exist? why does UPLB suck so much that i didn't even give it a chance to grow on me? why do i have to result in whoring myself to the one thing i have swore never to lay flesh on? why do your highschool friends suddely bore you to the point of patheticness that you want to cut all ties with them?

am i just plain mean or has time suddenly caught up with me? i am such a worthless friend and i know it. my own personal happiness have suddenly become my priority, and i only hang out with people who make me happy. and they simply do not make me happy. they complicate life, take your personality just so that they can laugh at it. do they get some-kind of pleasure in doing that? do they find it amusing that they are suddenly obove the immature brat that is sanya coo? do they find satisfaction in pointing out my supposed mistakes?

thank you for listening, please come again.

You're This Time Around! You're new and fresh, and
have a completely new image. Everyone seems to
like you because they can't figure out who you
are.

Which Hanson song describes you the most?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

shit, the results for AIT, Comparative Literature, Film and AV and Sociology in UPD comes out TODAY.

i cannot sleep.

today will define my sanity.

because i am not going back to UPLB.

2004-05-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

umiikot kami sa may masinag, bumili ng gamot sa drugstore. aking nasilayan ang pinaka astig na tanawin.

sobrang solid, wala ng mas aastig pa sa litratong ito.

salamat nalang sa hanson kaya lagi akong mag dalang camera ngayon. tsaka masaya kasi yung mga nakikita ko. yey! sana naligayahan kayo dahil naligayahan ako sa pag kukuha nito!!

salamat rin kina biboy at alfa sa pagpractice ng 'solid tagalog' ko. at pati narin sa hoff forums ni helga, kasi gumagaling akong magtagalog dun.

MARAMING SALAMAT SA INYONG PAGTITIWALA --JESTONI ALARCON

MABUHAY ANG YAGBOL! MABUHAY ANG GENTIAL WARTS! MABUHAY SI FAFA BABY PIPES NA GUSTO NG BIG PIPES!

sobrang solid.

2004-05-22T12:27:00.000+08:00

i thought a someone knew ne pretty well but all they can come up with is one measly paragraph that doesn't even describe me at all.

everyone's "oh, he's cool, he's a good friend, she's this, she's fun, she's really astig, he's good in this, blablabla"

then when it came to me, nothing. nothing about me. not even a little hint that i might be an interesting person.

maybe because i'm not an interesting person. maybe i'm just too plain a girl to be written about. maybe he/she/it/they doesn't see me as anything more.

too embarassed to say i'm a hanson fan? or that she trekks a good kilometer for me? or that she cuts classes for the sake of visiting me?

or maybe, she's a really good person and real interesting, too.

because i read about the others and theirs is so obviously more thought of.

why am i whining like this?? because. because.

i know when i'm taking for granted.

jelous? me? hah. that never happens to sanya. she has nothing to be jelous about.

bullshit.

2004-05-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

walang kwentang image.

hindi pa bagay dun sa caption.

so what? eh gusto ko eh.

i cut the image from my numerous image gig pictures.

gitara ni aia yan.

ayun lang po. walang kwenta ang buhay ko.

sana mamatay na ko para lumigaya na ang buong mundo.

liligaya na ang UPD, liligaya ang UPLB, liligaya na pamilya ko, liligaya ng ang pilipinas, liligaya ng ang lahat.

eh ignore ignore lang naman ako eh, at least bawas sa papansin sa mundo.

tignan mo, nagpapapansin nanaman ako.

pero you know what? it never works.

it never does.

2004-05-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

just got off the phone with taylor hanson this morning.

he says he's really thankful for the fans for seeing them through 7 years of music.

oh, and he's not from the philippines.

to those who bothered to listen in WLSFM this morning and heard the taylor hanson interview, yes, i'm sanya. i was the 'and i'm freom the philippines!' girl.

i was the airhead.

my question was stupid.

taylor hanson made fun of me.

but hey, i got to talk to him. i really did.

I GOT TO TALK TO TAYLOR HANSON!!

i have the tape to prove it and the DJ's back in LSFM!

pa-kunwari pa kong ekek pero sige na, lash out na, oo na, teenybopper na ako.

ay pwet. i still got to talk to taylor kahit pinagtawanan nung DJ yung 'i'm from the philippines' slip up ko.

pero pucha pati si taylor nakigaya rin.

eh yaan ko na! NAKAUSAP KO PARIN SI TAYLOR! that is one step! i will meet them and i don't care what it takes. i have to get this thing done with so that i can fully get on with my life. para i can focus na, para may peace of mind na ako.

kahit na late si helga at mejo napa-english pa ko ng pa-teeny sa GMA, ok lang, it was all worth it.

i love throwing around the world "sony music"! i love it!

"we're from sony music..." i LOVE IT!

sobrang bait nila agad, sobrang, wow, sony, pag dating, street team lang pala, pero wala na silang choice, we got in na! we got in na! WE GOT TO TALK TO TAYLOR!

kunwari no big deal, kunwari i don't care, kunwari ang bobo pa ni tay, pero sa loob loob ko, pucha, hanson, hanson, hanson, and aking walang kwentang obsession nung 11 years old pa ako.

parang its something i have to do before i'm finally old. 11 ako when i was a fan, bata pa ko, ngayon 18 na, officially an adult. kaya siguro todo hanson-mode nanaman ako kasi narerealize ko na malapit na akong tumanda at mawawalan na ko ng panahon sa mga immature teeny things na ginagawa ko.

so, ito, tatapusin ko na ang immature teeny thing, and by meeting hanson, ayun, ok na ako. ok na ako, ok na yung part ng sarili ko na fan. wala ng 'void' yung "teenage star obsession" ko. i can go on with my 'life' na walang unfulfullilment in my teenage star obsession crap.

i don't know if i'm lucky, of curse lang talaga to. pero this is who i am. i've been like this for seven years and wala na akong magagawa but to ride with it. i don't know if its because i don't have anything better to do, or gusto ko lang mag release ng energy or it's the fear of growing up. hindi ko alam, pero i love the fact na the music makes me feel like i'm 11 years old again. na regardless of all the college rejections, UPLB depression, friends who are downright weird... i'm still a kid after all. i still have the right to cry about the shallow things, i can still whine about nonsense, na kayang kaya ko pang magpacute at kung ano ano pa.

PWEDE PA AKONG MAGING IMMATURE.

of course iba rin kasi and effect ng music talaga, iba rin talaga yung band. iba talaga yung music. mas naaasahan ko pa nga yung CD ko keysa sa ibang mga tao. at least yung CD hindi nawawala. anjan lang. naiisip mo na kahit magkanda leche leche at pinagtatawanan ka na sa walang kakwentahan ng buhay mo (puchang DJ ng LSFM pero ok lang), pwede kang makinig ng Hanson and think that there is still good in this world after all.
na hindi ka talaga iiwanan ng diyos na magisa, lagi ka niyang iiwanan ng something to make it all ok.

it just so happens na it's in the music where i find comfort in.

kung hindi ka naman inooferan ng comfort ng mga tao jan, eh saan ka pa ba tatakbo?

kung ano yung alam mong nagpapasaya sayo at laging nanjan, nagkataon lang na Hanson CD yun, kaya, ayun. at least lumiligaya ako ng konti. naiisip ko na hindi naman pala lahat eh wala ng pagasa. may hanson pa na kakanta at gagawa ng musika para hindi naman ako lubisang masiraan ng tino.

see, what music does to you, though it doesn't solve the worlds problems, it still provides a temporary release.

tapos, puntahan mo mga everdearest closest labsi doodles na mga tao sa buhay mo at iyakan.

pag tinaboy ka nila, mag Hanson ka nalang ulit.

at least ang Hanson, laging nanjan.

wag mo lang iwala ang CD mo.

2004-05-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

paranoid out of my mind, after geting the rejection in College of Public Administration.

and the old lady at the admissions just had to be so smug in telling me i didn't make it.

"anong pangalan mo, miss?"

i have her my name.

she didn't even look at the sheet!

"wala ka dito, kasi 5 lang kinuha namin eh"

"ay mam, i'm from other UP units po, hindi po ako transferee from another school"

"oo nga, wala ka nga dito, 5 lang kasi kunuha namin, isa sa LB, isa sa UPM, isa sa UPP at UPB, yung isa FEU"

"sino po yung LB?"

"basta, nirarank kasi namin yung pinakamataas, yung LB yung highest ang GWA"

"ah ganon po ba?"

"oo, yung mga matataas lang na GWA kunukuha namin, 5 lang din tinatanggap namin from outside, yung 50, mga shiftees"

eh kung pakain ko kaya sakanya yung lecheng 1.77 GWA ko?? matataas lang ang GWA na kinukuha nila? eh nanay ko ng naiinggit sa GWA ko eh! mayabang na kung mayabang pero sa sobrang walang kwentang tao na ako, plus yung fact na all on my own ko talagang kinuha yang GWA na yan... pucha ang taas na niyan! feeling niya mababa GWA ko? ulol. kinapos lang ng point echeng echeng college scholar na ko. dalawa uno ko. and taas ko sa pol sci at sa socsci2.

bitter na kung bitter, pero mali talaga ang approach niya.

that was the FIRST ONE that released for transferee, and ganun na agad narinig ko. after that, i wanted to cry because i totally lost faith in myself. i'm going to rot in LB.

then i went to see if CL had the results already.

none, next week pa daw.

june 7 ang pasukan ng UPD.

teachers leave ang mga tao sa socio dept. friday pa exam ng film and av, may 25 pa ang results ng AIT. anong gusto nila from me? sobrang ayaw ba talaga akong pagbigyang makapasok sa UP Diliman?

sa UPLB na lang ba talaga ang gusto ny diyos saakin??

don't i deserve the better campus for my course??

i am panicking, i am close to tears, i want to talk to neen pero ayokong thru sa telepono lang. i want to talk to someone badly about this, but i can't.

nobody gets it, nobody gets it.

or at least nobody tries to get it.

nobody knows that i need to be comforted on a daily basis. that i need someone to tell me everything will be ok because i usually take it all on myself. people ask why i have little faith in myself when i have a lot to be proud about. bull, i have little faith in myself because there is nothing to be faithful on. my sarcasm? my whinyness? my constant craving for attention? my good-for-nothing mouth that has gotten me into more trouble than 10 toddlers combined?

no one ever bothers to fucking reach out to me, nobody cares about what i fucking feel. everyone just wants to laugh at my slip ups and imperfections just so they could emphasize that sanya isn't so perfect after all.

fuck them all.

i don't take it out on anyone but myself. i deal with everything alone. i am my own friend when it comes to the gritty problems i have with myself.

is it because its easy to ignore me when i'm not useful? is it because i'm just to shallow to be taken seriously?

that's why i love my best friend.

she's the only one who understands me, she's the only one worthy of my problems, she's the only one i owe crying about my life to.

because she's the only one who trully cares, she won't laugh no matter how shallow. she loves me and and she sure as hell shows it because she's always there.

"she expects us to know everything, that's why she doesn't tell us anything". bullshit. i don't owe you squat. i don't tell you anything because you don't deserve to know everything.

and to those who i bother telling, only my best friend is the one who trully understands.

that's why i love her. and if anyone tries to piss her off, i'm going to skin them alive.

2004-05-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

LIVING UNDER THE SHADOW OF COUNRTY, MINUS THE ACCENT

sanya just spend a good 15 minutes entertaining 4 professors in AIT.

sanya smiled a lot, laughed at their side comments, and made the appropriate witty remarks.

one of the interviewers questioned her ability to speak english.

"miss coo, your english is very impressive and articulate, what elementary school did you come from again?"

miss coo answered "UPIS, sir" and smiled.

"really? only UPIS?"

miss coo is nervous, she did not want to mention this little fact. she does not want anyone to know this because not only is it degrading, but it also makes people lose faith in her 'intelligence', whatever it is.

"miss coo?, you only studied in UPIS?" the interview looked at her and waited for an answer.

"i attended three years of my education in australia, sir" she said it with a behind her famous oozing fake smile, almost unaudible.

"UPIS students aren't known for their english skills, and that explains everything" interviewer said a matter of fact-ly.

miss coo smiles and pretends she's loving the fact that she grew up in such a place.

interviewer number two points out to interviewer number one, three and four, "that's why her english is good, it's because of ther 3 years in australia"

miss coo licks her lips, purses them together, grits her teeth, and smiles again.

sanya is smart, witty, sarcastic and a very confident speaker because she grew up in australia. she is opinionated because she grew up in australia. she would never amount up to anything if it wasn't for get 3 years in australia.

and for the nth time of hearing that, sanya is starts to believe it.

but sanya is still smiling. and its beginning to hurt.

on with the other things.

thanks to the process of attempting to transfer to UPD, i have wasted my entire summer vacation running to and fro the two campuses meeting their requirements.

and if i do get into one of the 6 courses i applied in, i would have to do the same thing again.

i swear, i've had enough of this sucking up. i'm sick of my sugar-coated smile and a voice to match.

i'm sick of being polite. i'm sick of being nice.

can't i just lash out and scream "you don't get it, do you? i hate UPLB! i hate your little campus! i hate the povinicial ambiance! i hate small-town living!" i would add "i grew up to see the world, and not just rot in confinement in this fucking rural town without a decent mall!" but that's a little too extreme. i'll just sound too much of a brat whining to her millionaire father.

i swear, when i get out of UPLB, prof. tapay would see how wrong it was for her to lecture sanya coo on campus loyalitites. i would see to it that she realizes that she is messing with a force larger than herself (literally, too). my father does not donate shitloads to my mothers laboratory in UPD just so they could push her eldest daughter around in another campus.

a much lower campus, too.

yes, i am the daughter of two genuine nerds.

and yes, i am overly self-absorbed, but i have put on the charade for too long already.

once i get out of UPLB, goodluck nalang sa kanila.

which just shows why the AIT people reacted that way...it's my fucking karma for being an abolute bitch.

2004-05-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

UPLB SURVEY FOR ALL OF YOU TO READ

1. student number?
03-20761
2. course and college?
basociology, CAS
3. first choice na campus?
UP the original, where the grass is greenest.
4. first impression sa elbi
walang kwenta.
5. after isang sem, anu na?
lalong walang kwenta.
6. paboritong kainan?
ellens, pag 'tipid'
7. paboritong gimikan?
clebelro unit #3. party and bootay shakin'!
8. fave mong subject?
socsci2, psych1, lahat ng na 1 ko. (yabang!)
9. pinaka-ayaw na subject
natsci2 (with tita 'bangag' cruz and magnetic longga boy)
10. Nakapag Hum trip ka ba?
as in field trip sa sa klase ng hum? oo, badtrip pa kasi sa may laguna on a saturday.
11. san nakalagay ang banga ni maria?
sa kilikili niya.
12. ilan ang carabao heads sa carabao park?
madami.
13. Unang ghost story na narinig mo?
sa mens dorm.
14. san ka unang tumira sa elbi?
sa clebelro cc12. tamabyan nung summer.
15. nakagimik ka na ba sa field?
walang gimik gimik sa LB.
16. naka swim ka na sa baker ng gabi?
kahit sa umaga, never.
17. hinabol/nahuli ka na ba ng Pigoy?
muntik na nung nagpipicture-an kami sa UP Los Baños na sign sa may gate.
18. me org/frat/soro ka ba? anu-anu?
wala. nothing to come back to. better that way.
19. nakapanuod ka na ba ng rambol?
yup.
20. APO run?
front row, standing room only.
21. unang concert na napanuod mo?
one, nina and the akustix man himself, fafa paolo santos.
22. sikat na kanta nung unang freshman ka sa elbi?
isang kanta ng F4.
23. pnaka sikat na stdynte nung panahon mo?
i have no idea. don't know. don't care.
24. bgay ka tatlong elbi personalities.
si mam tapay, si sir andy, si kuya robert. (haaah?)
25. nakaakyat ka na ng peak-two?
never.
26. nakapaglakad ka na sa nevr ending bridge magisa ng 12am pasado?
never. sa grove, oo. hanggang madaling araw pa nga pag trip pumunta sa 711
27. nakakain ka na ba sa irri canteen?
sa SEARCA lang eh, layo kasi ng sakayan ng IRRI. sa may grove pa.
28. ilang feb fair na naatendan mo?
isa lang, and hopefully the last one, too.
29. nakasali ka na sa snake rally?
wtf?
30. bumoto ka na sa USC election?
never.
31. nadala ka na ba sa infirmary?
nung physical exam lang.
32. san ka nagmemerienda?
sa cc12, or sa bakery. i'm a bakery girl. bawal kasi pag dito sa bahay eh.
33. kung elbi ka, alam mo ba kung anung monument ang me chamber sa baba?
nope. so does that mean hindi ako LB? yey! (too late)
34. san ka madalas makita sa campus?
sa mga classroom ng klase ko. sa cc12. hindi ako tumatambay sa LB. if i wanted to waste time, i'd waste my time in manila, NOT in LB.
35. napuntahan mo na NAC?
NAC? hah?
36. pumasok ka na ba ng lasing sa klase?
nope. i don't drink.
37. Pumasok ka na ba na di naliligo?
numerous times. sa PE kong Tth ng 7am. Pag nakavisor ako, malamang hindi ako naligo.
38. san nakaturo ang daliri mo pag sakay ka papunta dorm?
uh... buong kamay. hindi naman ako taga MAREHA, FOREHA tulad ni tsong eh.
39. nakapanuod ka na ng play sa Umali? anu?
oo, yung play ni gabbah, isko't iska at icebag na napakawalangkwenta naman.
40. nakagimik ka na sa APEC?
APEC?? diba parang WTO yun? tanong ata sa econseyahan ni clitboy yun ah
41. napalabas ka na ba sa klase?
hindi pa naman. nung HS at grade 6, oo. lecheng sir yangco yan.
42. nalasing ka na ba sa feb fair?
never. jologs na nga feb fair, paglalasing pa ko. eh di dobleng ka-jologan na.
43. me nakaaway ka na ba sa elbi?
si mam tapay. siga ako eh, pati head ng DSS inaaway ko.44. when you reach 50,would still think of visiting elbi?
i just left LB, and i have NO plans in setting foot in that place EVER AGAIN. what more when i'm 50? siguro for hell of it, yes. pero not to "reminice", since i really don't have fond memories of UPLB.
45. what makes elbi different from other UP campuses?
its the campus that i hate the most.
46. who's the most memorable person in your life in elbi? (optional po ito...hehehe)
persons, alfa, fitch, biboy and yeho. my LB friends who hate LB as much as i do.
47. most memorable date and place mo sa elbi?
none. siguro kung saan ako last magpapasign ng clearance for transferring.
48. what made you stay?
in LB? the fact that after 1 year I CAN LEAVE.
49. if you were allowed to go back in time and repeat your life in elbi, would you opt to?
never. i hate LB.
50. how would you describe elbi?
the worst place in the whole world.

and don't worry, i know that UPLB hates me pretty much too.

i have an awful cold and i'm feeling awfully lonely. awww...

2004-05-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

there are so many reasons why i love my friend helga.yes, we did come from sister-highschools, and we both hate LB. we're both hanson fans, teenyboppers and psychotic.

but its mainy because helga would make the absolute worst enemy.

i mean, i'm not fond of rose (in the h.net forums) very much, okay, i hate her.

i hate the way she pretends to be the god of all things hanson, i hate the way she wants us to feel inferior because she gets more hanson in the states.

and i absolutely hate the WAY SHE IS.

but i've never had that much of an evil side of me to go on telling that to her straight out.

but helga?

"she wasnt actually asking for affirmation from you if that was legal or not. youre so dense you dont know that were making fun of you. so im laying it out here for you:

the only illegal THING here, Rose, IS YOU.

and stop fantasizing about Zac, youre too ugly for him."

enough said.

so helga, if your reading this... WHO'S MORE PSYCHOTIC NOW?!?!

and i have a cold.
i have an interview for BS Tourism tomorrow.
i have to give janzen's mum a pineapple.
i have to eat something.

2004-05-16T01:28:00.000+08:00

it's 1:28 AM.

everyone is asleep and all i have this awful tingling feeling of sneaking the car and going out for a drive, while sound tripping to my old teenybopper flame (read: HANSON).

i just want to get away.

i just want to go somewhere far, i just want to go fast without anyone telling me to look at the side mirrors, don't cross the lanes, look out for pedestrians. jizas, i know! i know!

i am never going to perfectly drive when there is someone screaming out orders next to me.

with less than a thousand bucks in my wallet, and a learners permit...i don't think so, sanya.

i honestly don't think so.

2004-05-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

yey! guess who now has a copy of Hanson's new album Underneath ONE DAY EARLY?

they werent supposed to release it earlier, but when my friend Helga called, screamed at my ear, and said that the albums were already at the recieving area and all they had to do was stick the barcode thingie and we could get them right away.

so obviously, lying around to hailing a cab took me 5 minutes to accomplish.

thank goodness the roads were clear and it took only 15mts from my house to tower records in megamall. i swear, if my mum left her car here, i would've driven myself to megamall with only a student lisence and 6 hours worth of driving lessons.

when i arrived, the lady said that the album didn't have those barcode things and the person in charge of that was away.

so the lady i was talking to passed me to another lady, who passed me to another lady, who told me that the album was supposed to be released tomorrow

now, i don't know the technicalities of record selling, but "wala po kasi yung maglalagay ng barcode" just doesn't cut as a good excuse to me. that's even lamer than Hanson's "unavoidable circumstance" way back in 2000. besides, they already said that we could get it when we called. and to me it just sounded like a simple process of printing out barcodes, sticking them to the CD, and selling it to us. so i cashed on to that idea and held my ground.

"sabi niyo we could get them today, we called and you told us that. now i came all the saw from antipolo and i'm not leaving without a copy of Hanson's underneath"

"kasi po mam day-off nung taga-lagay namin ng barcodes eh"

"i know, pero ang sabi niyo, makukuha namin today, that's what you said. and i'm here, at lahat ng mga kaibigan ko papunta na para bumili ng kopya nila dahil yun yung sinabi niyo, diba unfair naman yun na pumunta pa kami dito, tapos wala rin pala? hindi naman ata pwedeng ganon nalang"

"sige po mam, tatanungin ko muna sa likod"

that's how i was able to buy 3 copies of Underneath, if the saleslady decides to take revenge on me, the best way would be not to include the 3 albums that i bought on the total album sales.

so miss tower records customer service, if your reading this, i'm the psychotic hanson fan.

the worst case scenario speech for me was to throw in the "i've waited seven years for this album, and i'm not waiting another day".

thank god i didn't have to use it.

so i went home. high on teenybopper hormones (which is roughly endorphins, a neurotransmitter responsible for the high on hapiness feeling).

when i got off the cab, my mum was waiting for me at the end of our subdivisions entrance, i vulonteered to drive home, and just as i was about to release the breaks, our maid texted and said that janzen just dropped by the house.

so i put the gears on park, pulled the hand brake up, and ran to the gate of our subdivision. *swelling music*

you can't miss his catwalk strides and the way he flaps his arms and sways from right to left at each step, it's actually cuter than you think.

ok, the next part of this story involves semi-shamlessly PDA-ing while my mom was inside the car and we were right outside. so yes, we were PDA-ing in front of my mum and i bet she will never live it down.

but it's ok. it's all good. i love my life... really.

:)

2004-05-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

i sleep. soundly, until the rusting springs on the bed gives a little creek.

the room smells of sweat and spit. it is dark.

the fan sits on top of a table, turned on high.

i cling to the blankets to stop the cold air from touching my naked body.

i lie there, pretending to sleep.

pretending not to hear him breathing next to me.

pretending not to feel the brush of his arm on mine as he stood up.

pretending not to feel him whisper "thanks".

pretending not to hear his footsteps as the door slammed shut.

pretending not to care.

pretending not to cry.

putsa!! anong kalibugan nanaman itong naiisip ko?

2004-05-12T20:47:00.000+08:00

i wish i could still write.

i blame UPLB for not giving me any english related subjects in my one year stint there. no eng1, no eng2...nothing to practice my 'writing skills'. stagnation kills the talent.

i've totally lost faith in my writing skills come 11am this morning. i feel so bad on how my exam in comparative lit turned out to be.

i picked structuralism as my chosen approach (mainly because its the only one i could remember), threw in a horde of Karl Marx's theories on alientation, class struggle and conflict. stirred a little george orwell's animal farm and spiced it up with a load of bullsh*t cliche's on "nothing is what they seem" and "reading between the lines". the essay was shallow and pointless. no major ideas could be held from that testimony. i feel utterly useless for not coming up with a more substantial essay to secure me spot in UPD.

i couldn't even spell burgeosie and proletariat.

yet i used those words to emphasize my knowledge on communism and the quest for social equality. i know i misspelled them, which totally cancels out the 'pseudo-philosopher' air that i was trying to portray.

i am so pissed! i swear, i used to write better! i really did, why didn't i read up on my SOC10? i'm a sociology major and i couldn't even go beyond ethnocentric, racism and class struggle. i should have been able to defend that theory until my hand started bleeding! not only am i supposed to be a good writer, but i'm a sociology major! i took SOC10, SocSci2 and SocSci1...I actually listetened, took down notes, and internalized their lessons! i loved those subjects! i loved SocSci2 and wrote numerous essays defending my favourite philosopher/sociologist and his theories. i loved Karl Marx. I wrote about Karl Marx! i read through his works and all i could come up with in my CL admissions essay was a few measley words that anyone can learn from over-hearing an anakbayan rally.

i am so dissappointed with myself. i thought my broad knowledge and my 'blunt-sarcasm' writing style could make up my awful grammar and horrendus spelling. but no, i screwed it up. i screwed it all up. i can't write, i can't remember my past lessons and i have awful grammar.

i might as well take the entrance exam in ABE and sing along with Heart Evangelista on the next advertisment.

2004-05-11T10:12:00.000+08:00

patay. malapit ng maubos pera ko.

tshirts.
buttons.
fliers.

patay patay patay.

mahal talagang mangampanya.

2004-05-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

it's too depressing to look out the window. i hate the rainy weather!!

ok lang pag suspended or pag.. hehehehe.

ito, natuwa nanaman ako sa personality quizzes. masaya! masaya!!

JANZEN is my
erotic precious

Get your sweetheart's pet name @ Quiz Me

whoooo!!! =)

The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz

sanya was
a Disobedient Scientist
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Sanya spins tunes as
DJ Sweet Jail Bait

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me
wtf??

2004-05-09T11:06:00.000+08:00

i was talking to spike last night (well, sunday early morning...) and in the middle of a great pointless conversation about weeman, johnny knoxville, broken testicles, and giant youknowwhat on the creation theory, my computer had to screw up.

so, spike, if your reading this, sorry for suddenly cutting our legendary conversations without saying goodbye! (swelling music). i owe you a lesson on flawless australian accented english. i'll even throw in a crash course in aussie slangs if you want. but you can get that off "who dares wins" easy.

and i had a good 3 year training on the accent business. tried and tested. hehehehe.

though i don't think it was as good as before, because my friend krystle said i just sounded too american.

AMERICAN?!?! holy macaroni.

i miss living in australia, i miss the cold, i miss the beach, i miss my friend, i miss the milk bar, i miss the malls, i miss the trams, i miss the parks... one day, somehow, i'm going to drag janzen to australia and show him the place where i learned to be a teenybopper and a bad speller.

that's why i am so passionate in finding my silverchair cd's!!

i love roadtripping with klassy and helga. i love my hanson fan friends.

last night, we got into an aimless conversation about the better days.

was it really "better days"? bleah, i don't know, but as we keep on convincing ourselves, NO REGRETS.

being a hanson fan is crazy shit.

and i still want an m&m's mcflurry.

2004-05-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

sony music is one heck of a marketing genious.
(the same way that taylor hanson's wife, natalie is).

guess who's doing marketing for Hanson's newest album?

two words, STREET TEAM.

i am so tired from today. running around like a headless chicken all in the name of Hanson. i'd literally eat shit just for a chance to meet them. haaaay. at least that way, may closure na ako. i can go on with my life.

tapos na, fulfilled na yung childhood fantasy ko. hehehehe.

AYOKO NG MAGING FAN!!!

2004-05-07T16:27:00.000+08:00

i think my legs are about to fall off.

i commuted to katipunan around 9 this morning. which i really don't mind at all since i love commuting anyway for some wierd reason. drank a brownie javakula from seattles, bought a book from national, bought 2 burgers from jolibee (i love my jolibee) and walked to mercury drug to purchase...something.

P500 gone in less than an hour.

then i took a jeep to UP campus but the stupid jeep didn't go around so i had to get off at the asian studies building.

saw my cousin, stopped her car, rolled her window, waved, asked me where i was going and caused traffic.

i said i was going to my mother and walked once again to institute of chemistry.

i don't know why, but i seem to 'enjoy' (or always end up) sitting outside under the heat of the afternoon.

luckily, i knew i would be waiting for a couple of hours, so i bought a book from national to entertain me.

3 people asked for directions, and 1 person thought i was his groupmate in chem1.

anyway, i sunbathed for a couple of hours, gave up, then went in to the aircon sanctuary also known as my mothers office. so i spent a few minutes staring at the blank wall. then i got bored and decided to go out and walk around again. this was around lunchtime already.

then when i went out of the door, lo and behold! so yey! i was happy! late or not, he's still my labsidooles babii muah pooh big testosterone stud.

but i had to be the tactless bitch again and he had an upset stomach, so i walked him 3/4 home while talking non-stop.

so as i watched him walk 1/4 of his way home, i waited for a jeep, but gave up because i wasn't seeing any and the rest passed by when i was shamelessly PDA-ing in the shed. (which i really need to work hard on, btw)

hey, i screamed "i love youuuu!" when he was a couple of meters away, so i think that ought to count for something. ;op

i had weird incoherent things going around my mind that time, i thought i'd sort them out, so i decided to walk back to inst. of chem the long way.

so i walked to the math building, up to the cashiers office, to 3-6, college of educ., palma steps, FC, then as walk, then chem...all in the heat of the afternoon sun as i sweated and hopefully lost a couple of weight.

so when i got to my moms office once again, she said that janzen came back ofter 20mts.

then why didn't she text me? call me? to tell me that he dropped by again??

that pissed me off because my sister did the same thing when he called. (ay! janzen called pala, i forgot) so i went off to look for him. walked to the math building and looked if he was in the classroom.

his class was on a break.

so i went to the cafeteria.

not there.

walked back to chem, got money from my mom, then walked to the sunken garden.

vinzons,
ba,
school of econ,
law,
eng.

still not there.

gave a good scan on all the couple seats, on the field and on the shade... no janzen.

so i decided to just go to coop, get a sola iced tea then head back to my mother.

walk walk walk, got my raspberry iced tea, threw the bottle in the bin, then went inside the up chapel.

lit 3 candles for myself, niña and the testosterone stud. for us to pass every thing we're hoping to pass this summer. for us to achieve everything we want. for us all to be happy and satisfied with what life has offered for us.

well, God works in myterious ways. he's God after all. it wouldn't hurt to ask for a little guidance.

so after that, hoping that maybe i'll get lucky and find the testosterone stud.

i walked back to eng.
law,
school of econ.,
ba,
vinzons,
educ,
3-6,
zoo,
bio,
physics,

and back to chem to write about my where's wally adventure, my legs about to fall off.

if love can move mountains, then it can deffinitely move my two enormous thighs and will my whole fat legs to walk me without knowing where i am going.

ahhh...love.

2004-05-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

met 2 of my favourite people today.

spent half of my day smelling like sweat and laway. ;op

then the other half reeking of second-hand smoke.

anyway, i found out a handful of stuff about myself. excuse the pun

i am a generous giver of love (really!)
i am very very smart.
i'm going to have 2 boys.
have a kid out of wedlock.
travel the world safely.
going to have 3 sources of money.
tend to overspend.
have 3 career paths, hate the 2, love the 3rd.

i wish i could shove my right hand to the director of the colleges i applied for and scream, "LOOK! MY PALM SAYS I AM VERY VERY SMART!!

oh how i wish.

but whoopeedoo. i am hap-hap-happy :o)

cuz everyday, is all there is, in my some-kind of bliss.

2004-05-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

getting into the elections hype.

don't get me wrong, i'm no ping lacson fan. but who am i to complain who wins? i didn't register. if FPJ becomes president, i'll just have to grin and bear it.

what can i do? i didn't vote. i didn't do my duty , therefore, i have no right to complain.

same goes to my parents.

2004-05-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

+ 15 minutes on the excercise contraption.
+ "sunbathing" for an hour outside my mothers office.
+ walking around like a hyperactive 11 year old not knowing where to go whenever something is intensely bothering me.

i guess i'm weird that way, whenever i'm bothered, or nervous, or scared, or pissed, or depressed, i don't just roll up in a corner and die, i go on walking wherever my legs will take me.

i just can't take being in just one place and staying there.

i have to walk. i have to get away. i get restless and just decide go where my legs can take me even if i don't know where it is, even if it's 9pm in the evening with dogs barking at me.

which scares me, because when that happens, i don't really think strait, i don't think about what can happen to me, my senses aren't on and i have no idea what's happening around me. all i'm thinking is that i have to get away. i have to get away. i have to get away.

this ought to do some changes in my fat body.
when i'm thinner, everything will be different.

then maybe i wouldn't be forgotten anymore.

smile, sanya, smile.

2004-05-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

i've been surfing around, sticking my nose at people's lives, and i finally figured out something.

i am crap at webdesign.

some of the best sites i've been to, were all made by people younger than i am. and i've been making websites since i was 11! somehow, i never managed to properly code and play around with photoshop as well as they do.

i have no idea how to use adobe, except for blurring images.

i never got around learning frames and dhtml. i just got up to noframes before i finally gave up on webpages.

but seeing their sites, i got really jealous! they have layouts i can only dream about. their images were so well edited! i love colour! i love colour! and i can only dream about how those layouts were made. my head automatically thinks on how they coded that site and i am just overwhelemed.

i can't even use my new pirated dreamweaver properly. that's how illiterate i am.

how can i get out of blogger and finally get a host? that's one of my frustration, no one has ever tried to host me because i am so crap in webdesigning. but hey, i love angelfire. i've always had my sites in angelfire.

so, to whoever is out there, with nothing to do, please, make me a website layout!

wahhhhh!!

2004-05-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

online personality quizzes again, you gotta love them.

hey... i have taste! i've got good taste

How are you going to die? Find out @ star-girl.org!
pft.

oh! i sooo agree!!

Find out which drug you are @ star-girl.org!

wtf?

What dessert are you? Find out @ star-girl.org!
and that's my favourite flavour! mint-chocolate chip. oh gad.

2004-05-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

busy busy busy busy.

this is so frustrating.

just like everything else in my life.

sometimes i wish that i am back in living alone. even if it means cleaning up after my own shit.

at least i don't have to DEAL with all these people. at least i don't have to pretend to be this and that anymore.

at least i don't have to pretend to care even if i don't.

you know what, I DON'T CARE. i'm selfish, all i care about it MYSELF and maybe a handful of people.

i miss my LB friends.

biboy! fitch! alfa! yeho! your presence is strongly missed.

tapos, eto, dadating pa daw hanson.

which i will rant about later. when i'm in the mood. when i've realized WHY i don't want them to come here.

mmmbop.

2004-05-04T11:39:00.000+08:00

she didn't even text me that he called.

my sister has started to become an annoying bitch lately.

i don't know if its the hormones or she's just naturally like that.

she thinks she knows everything and that she's so cool.

and no, if you think she actually respects the fast that i'm 4 years older, well...she doesn't.

and she should. like hell she should.

2004-05-04T11:31:00.000+08:00

janzen called and my sister DIDN'T tell me!! arrrgh...she forgot and now busy yung line!! argggg!!

tapos pupunta pa daw Hanson dito!! and i'm not happy about that! ayaw ko!! hindi masaya yun!!

i don't want Hanson to come here. i don't. i don't. i don't.

and don't ask me why because it's an irrational feeling.

i don't want them to come here. not now.

2004-05-03T12:07:00.000+08:00

i just came from the LTO and BIR and all those weird local public shit establishment and i just want to sleep.

which reminds me, i only had 3 hours of sleep.

i could've gone home and slept for a couple more hours before i met up with carmela, but i had someone to meet at 11am so i dragged my very fat ass to my mothers office smelling of pollution and strange body sweats.

somehow, after sun bathing for nearly an hour and a half, i decided that the person i was going to meet would probably not show up all.

lo and behold.

but its ok. sleep isn't that much price to pay and my patience is a mile long when it comes to this person so i really don't mind.

i really don't mind at all. :o)

really.

too bad, though, because i was supposed to give that person something real cute that i shopped for as a gif for putting him through a traumatizing event that was i was mainly to blame for.

thank you hanson for saving my sanity again. thank you "penny and me".

gotta take my sister out to lunch.

and i want to shamelessy plug someone, but i'm not allowed to anymore.

ahhh... love.

2004-05-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

yup. nobody listens to me.

shut me up. its too easy to shut me up.

why do i let people treat me this way?

because they can.

2004-05-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

i just spent 10mts on the excersise gadget and my legs are about to break off.

everyone is saying i grew even fatter, and it's true.

what's worse is that i was never thin in the first place.

so it means i have doubled my weight and crossing the line to obesity.

why does society have to be so damn stereotyped? and why did that stereotype get into my brain?

because i wake up in the morning and see my fat self everyday.

i see all those cute half-half girls and boys enjoying life to the absolute fullest. no matter how stupid, dumb and disillisioned they are, they are still happy. and lately, i have finally realized that being happy is the only way to go.

how can you be happy when your butt ugly? when you're oozing with fat and nobody every pays a compliment on you? you never hear "oh she's so smart", or "oh, she's so pretty". no matter how good my self-confidence is, i still need my boost. i still need the compliments. and with the exams and interviews i'm about to take, i feel like seeing my reflection on the mirror is the last thing i would want to be doing.

because in this superficial world, the pretty ones get the cake, and the rest gets the crumbs. no matter how much we convince ourselves that it doesn't work that way...it does.

they get whatever they want...they get the respect, the attention and the love and all the stupid sappy glories this superficial world has to offer.

people listen to them even if they don't have much to say. do people listen to me? so i even get, even just the simplest little things i want in my life? do i ever get a pat on the back or a "thank you" just for being?

nobody would take them for granted just because they're pretty, or thin, or smart, or rich.

she could buy all the time in the world, buy all the emotional joys with just one smile, command the world by just fluttering her eyes.

but the world is superficial. the world is screwed. and the world was never meant for me.

somehow stuck in the middle...struggling to de different.

which basically puts you in the bottom of the list no matter what you do.

i just want to be happy. why can't people understand that i don't even demand much just for it? i am happy just by mere presence and a little smile.

i am insecure, ok? i admit that. i feel very insecure because i do not fit the mold of the perfect girl, daughter, girlfriend, member of society... i do not even fit the mold of "normal", let alone perfect. i am isecure because of everything. i am scared i will never find happiness (whatever it is) that trully lasts. i am scared that i will lose everyone i worked hard for just because i do not fit the mold. i do not want to grow old alone and misunderstood because that is just sad. i'd rather die.

i don't want to become overweight, ugly and stupid.

somebody, please come see me and tell i'm not, because i might start believing that i am.

2004-05-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

bakit kaya ako mataba?

napakalabong tanong na walang kwenta rin.

hah. maghintay kayo. pag ako, pumayat...makakapagsuot na ko ng polka-dot na pink na damit!

ang saya! ang saya!

bakit kaya halos lahat ng tao ang galing magsulat sa tagalog? bakit ako hindi ako matuto-tuto ng matinong pagususlat ng tagalog tapos profound pa?

why do i have to get stuck in sounding like a private school conyo girl whining about her yaya forgetting to pack her pathers americal express card extention in her LV bag??

leche!

2004-05-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

i now have a guestbook. go sign it.

fixed up a couple of html nicks here, dowloaded the acoustic version of "penny and me" and "deeper".

"deeper" is an isaac song. i never liked isaac songs.

i'm a track eight fan ;op.

2004-05-02T14:22:00.000+08:00

i wish i could move all my posts from by previous blog to this one.

but that would just be totally whoring myself in its literal sense.

maybe i'll just post excerpts, i don't know.

i finally got around in changing the time and date on my blog, so now i'm in the Philippine time-zone. yey.

bored out of my mind. wanting something to do. made 2 copies of "My Sassy Girl", message me if you guys want your own copy too.

i'm waiting for the interior decorator to arrive so that i can explain what i want done with my room.

1. orange-and-yellow walls like i'm burning in hell. (might as well get used to it)
2. all white walls, white everything. then i can listen to my trance music and get high on the athmosphere.
3. rainbow themed, colours everywhere, in hope to theaputically rise my enodorphins level.
4. oriental-meets-medieval where i can get a net thing coverening my bed when i "sleep". it's mainy for the kink factor, ok?
5. sandman themed room so that i can finally hang my morpheus poster that janzen gave me on my 17th birthday.
6. get my best friend niña to make a mural on my wall and let the interior decorator work from that.

i don't know. and i basically don't care. i just need more shelves to put my stuff on because my room is an absolute dump. i have to get my learners permit tomorrow.

i spend 6mts on the excercise bike last night and i think my stomach is trimmer. optical bullshit.

i am nervous for my essay exam for ba comparative literature.
i am nervous for my interview in bs tourism.
i am nervous for my essay exam and my interview for film and av.
i applied for so many colleges i can't even remember which ones.

i am shit scared that i will have to go back to uplb, be a sociology major, and pretend that everything is peachy.

i have to get a dorm/apartment/room again if i do transfer. i don't think i can handle being at home anymore.

why does the human mind always have to complicate everything? why can't we just rationalize our emotions?

because we can't. because we have shit to sympathize with.

2004-05-02T02:36:00.000+08:00

see the world in black and white.

2004-05-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

don't you just love it when Hanson swears?

i just find it a little overwhelming when i heard a bleep on Zac's sentence. I remember 7 years back in Australia when they were co-hosting a music countdown on the radio and Zac has to ask one of their promoters if he was allowed to say the title of the next song.

Meredith Brooks' "Bitch".

so anyway, Zac ended up saying "Beeeee!" and not much else. you get my point.

so now you know how surprised i was to hear Zac getting bleeped,

Taylor getting bleeped ("bull--bleep!")

and Isaac getting bleeped again, and again, and again.

and that fliggitey-whatever they call for sticking up your rude finger, is that supposed to be cute? to think that they live with a 2-year-old baby. i what kind of mother would expose her 2-year old-baby to that kind of environment? it's not healthy. she should've just stayed in Tulsa at least Ezra has playmates and a lot more uncles and aunts to look after her. (in short, i am just bitter, bear with me)

anyway! enough about Hanson! i'm 18 now, not 11..so on to the more mature things in life.

We went to greenhills today to buy blank CD's, so now i have a hanful of blank CD's ready to be written on by whatever it is you people want. We need money to go to EK, so if you guys are interested, we burn everything. It's a joint project of Biboy and i, its kind of a fund raiser for our EK day-out and our t-shirt business that we have planned. that hopefully, we will get around in doing.

so! i was in greenhills and my friend Chia, who, for some weird reason, has been wanting to talk to me for a while, decided to accompany her mother so that we can meet up! so instead of going with my mother and sister to buy discounted jeans, i had an hours worth of catching up with chia.

so we talked and talked about people (as usual), became the bitches that we are and back-stabbed everyone we could in an hour. and since i love my friend, i will plug her magazine.

buy Pink! a girl's guide to shopping (i think that's what it's called). It's really...girly with shopping guides and stuff. She models there too, but don't ask me what page because it's like a 'where's wally?' challenge for me. ("where's where's where's, where's chia?").

which reminds me of this stupid instance, i've been reading through a copy of Pink! a couple of times already trying to find her, but failed. when my friend carmela and i went to a magazine shop and saw Pink!, carmela grabbed a copy and pointed at chia.

she was in the first page after the cover.

and then there was the salt shaker pic of that took me one month to recognize...gawd.

i swear, maybe it's a sign that she ought to be cover girl, huh? hahahaha. if i don't recoginze her on that one, i'm getting my eyes lazered. (i'm plugging you shamelessly chia! this is an X-deal. I should see Hanson on your next ish...with good> reviews!)

so that's greenhills. i never even liked going there before, but i really had fun today. there was so much things to buy and if my mother didn't have that church event to attend to, then maybe we could've backstabbed everyone in this world (and i could've bought a nice pain of jeans and a top and a belt...and a bag..and earrings...and sandals)

see, i am becoming a mainstream typical 'lets make tusok to the fishballs' girl. oh shit.

but hey, i love shopping and i got pretty good stuff from today.

now these are really cute, i was only supposed to buy one for my bestfriend but 'buy three for P100" sounded a pretty good deal to me, and they were so cute that i got carried away and bought 6. I gave one to chia so there are only 5 left.

i don't care if i'm too fat for it. i love it. i love the rolling stones licking mouth thing. and it's summer and it's really hot. it's a nice boxer-whatever to wear around the house where i have the freedom to pretend i'm not as fat as i really am.

i bought real cute bracelets that i'm planning to give to Neen and Janzen real soon. it's a "this is for you passing FA!" and "this is for you getting a 1.0 on math17!"

btw, new wallpaper!

and i just had to put that on, didn't i?

i'm a teenybopper. and damn proud to be one. :o)

2004-05-01T03:05:00.000+08:00

7 years ago, i came across MMMbop.

i have nearly every Hanson single ever released, in the US, Australia, everywhere.
i had the posters on my wall, co-founded an official Hanson fanclub, subscribed to MOE, lived in the illusion of marrying Zac Hanson... (but lets not go back to that, please)

heck, i have 5 copies of their second album "This Time Around", 6 even, if i didn't forget to claim it in Meagamall.

then early 2002, just when they suddenly dissapeared. i decided to take my posters down.
then i decided to free up my CD rack and put all my Hanson singles in a box.
then i realized i didn't care much about the band anymore.

i was in UPLB, i had to study to transfer, i had Janzen to visit, to figure out and to annoy everynight on the cellphone to complain my daily mishaps with my two left feet.

then after being away for nearly 4 years, my sister comes across "Penny and Me" on MTV.

she says she had a surprise for me, asked me if i knew who sang the song.

"Goldfinger?"

after 5 minutes, outof nowhere, i said "Penny and Me...isn't that a Hanson song?"

now i have no idea how i came across that, i haven't heard, seen, smelled Hanson for years. Call it a 6th Sense, but eversince i bought "Middle of Nowhere" for $24, my live hasn't been normal.

so anyway, when i saw the video clip, i was speechless (excuse the pun). I didn't know how to react. it's like this part of me wanted to scream at the TV, and the other half was screaming "don't you dare! you've grown up! grown out of Hanson!".

But i heard the song, it rang in my head, and i love it.

i love is just as i loved MMMbop, If Only, Wish that i was there... i love it.

There's something about the familiarity of Taylors voice and the poetry in the lyrics that put me at ease. it's like hearing home, if there is such a thing.

Anyway, there is something comforting in hearing a new Hanson song after a long while. After Strangebrew, Punk Covers, OPM, and my fling with trance music, it's still Hanson all along.

call me shallow, obsessive and a teenybopper, but i will promote Underneath until my legs break in half. I will no let those stupid pirate shits get the best of us. I will make Hanson so rich that they won't ever stop making music.

See, i don't even care if Zac is in a relationship, if Taylor is married, that Ezra is an ugly baby. i don't care at all.

all i know is that i have a blog sporting the MMMbop colours, my favourite band back to making music, and my boyfriend finally out of the girls bathroom.

2004-04-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

and i still want the Hanson sign tatooed on my back.

yes, i'm a Hanson fan.

i have always been a Hanson fan eversince i was 11 years old. which reminds me... i still don't have my MOE card!

when will Underneath come out? i've lost all my contacts with the rest of my cohorts, so now i'm in the darkness along with the others.

so the politics in the Filipino Hanson fan base starts again.

oh goody. :)

2004-04-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

something very traumatizing happened today.

it's actually funny, but then again it's not.
and i should know because i was scared out of my mind during that time that you have no idea what kind of
things crossed my mind just so we could get out of that situation.

then again...it's not my story to tell.

2004-04-10T01:53:00.000+08:00

at long last, after 2 semesters of emotional turmoil, i have managed to survive one academic year in the lonely mountains out UPLB.

that would be my first and last moment that i will spend in that hell.

so here i am, 18 and legal, fresh out of school and ready to face the summer already with a bad tan.

i havent really done anything productive since school was out. except for my excuse of a debut where i had all my friends in the backyard, while i ratted away about my little victories in life oozing with sarcasm.

i am such a bitch, sometimes, i can't even help being one.

but now i am 18, i should be more responsible now, i can't just go around saying every damn thing that crosses my mind because i can get sued. and if i did, i won't be in juvi anymore because i can get tried as an adult. why the hell am i even thinking about this? it's not like i'm going to go out and try to rape someone.

see, see what i mean? i give the worst examples.

so i will now ramble on about the wholesome things in my life.

i now have all of my things from LB back here at home, and i tell you, its a lot of stuff. I can't believe i accumulated all those trash in my one academic year stint there. handouts, toys, cupons, letters, notes, test papers and all that stuff were strewn around the pleace waiting to be thrown out. but being the memorabilia addict that i am, refused to part with those things and forced my dad to haul it all here in our house.

so now, i have three big boxes of (literally) trash. stacked in my bedroom, another box hidden away in the attic. not to mention a ton of other things like the presents i got for my birthday. my room is a scary place right now that little kids could get lost in it.

i don't even want to elaborate on the other things stacked and hidden away in my room. some aren't even hygenic...oh wait...i threw those out already ;oP

now i know what my first summer project should be, CLEAN MY ROOM.

i can't wait to see my "everyday spent in LB is a day closer to Diliman" poster... if only i remember where i put them in.

oh the life of a disorgaized teenager is deffinitely a hard one.

i am so disoganized that even the things i write are incoherent.

shut up sanya, shut up!